Nouns
by Office Supplies
Summary: Jake, excuse me, *Mr*. Jake, decides that it's time to teach the Animorphs and Hork-Bajir, Taxxons and Controllers about nouns. **Warning: Educational**


Jake jumped back as the Hork-Bajir's bladed arm sliced through the air at him, missing him by at least three inches.

Jake would have laughed, but he didn't. It wasn't his fault Hork-Bajir were idiots. _They don't know anything…even with a Yeerk_, he thought.

Then it hit him so suddenly, even though it was mentally, his stomach hurt.

Huh?

The Hork-Bajir had slashed open his stomach!

No wonder, Jake said. He would have bit his lip he could have.

Anyway.

Marco! he cried.

What?

Let's learn!

_What?_

You heard me. You wanna learn something today? I think the Hork-Bajir…and even a few human Controllers and Visser Three need to learn something.

Learn what, though?

Nouns!

Rachel looked at her watch. "Let's get this over," she said, looking at Jake.

Jake nodded, eager to teach the class.

The class was full of Hork-Bajir, Controllers, Visser Three and a few Taxxons. Jake thought it was neat they were so happy to be learning about nouns, not math or science or careers, or law or computers or library stuff. Not that any of that is bad…it isn't. Just that nouns are the focus of this story.

Anyway…

"Everyone turn to page 344," Jake said. But for now, he was Mr. Jake. "Before we start off, can anyone tell me what a noun is?"

The class looked around.

Visser Three raised his hand.

"Visser Three?"

Isn't a noun some type of human dessert?

Jake made a face. "Sorry, try again."

A Hork-Bajir raised his hand. "I know! I know! Isn't that a type of bird?"

Rachel rolled her eyes as Mr. Jake called on some more people. It was right there, in blue in the book.

"A noun is a person, place or thing," Rachel said.

Jake, excuse me, Mr. Jake, smiled. "Thank you, Rachel. Did everyone hear that? A noun is a person place or thing."

Oooh! Oooh! And ideas! Don't forget ideas! Tobias cried.

Rachel rolled her eyes again. "Show off."

Mr. Jake nodded. "But there aren't just nouns. There are certain types of nouns. The first type of noun we'll learn about is a proper noun."

Mr. Jake wrote "Proper Noun" in big letters on the dry-erase board. There aren't any chalk boards anymore.

"Now a proper noun names specific thing, like Rachel. Rachel is a proper noun." Mr. Jake went and wrote this on the board.

"She can be my proper noun any day!" hooted one of the Hork-Bajir. The others laughed.

"Now…lets move on," Mr. Jake said, walking over to look at his book. "Another example of a type of noun is a common noun." Mr. Jake whirled around and wrote "Common Noun" under "Proper Noun."

"An example of a common noun is a girl. Why? Because a common noun doesn't name anything specific, unlike the proper noun."

He wrote all this on the board.

Mr. Jake clapped his hands together. "But that's not all. There are two other nouns. Concrete…" he wrote it on the board. "And abstract. Doesn't anyone have any idea what these nouns have that's so special?"

No one said anything.

Mr. Jake sighed. "Okay, Marco…Tobias? Bring out the girls."

Suddenly, there was a sound in the closet. The door opened and out walked four beautiful girls in skimpy outfits.

"Whoa…" Marco whispered to Tobias. "For a half a second there, I thought they were naked."

All four girls had a sign with the noun name and everything about it. They jumped around for a minute or so before letting Mr. Jake speak again.

"This is Naomi," Mr. Jake said, pointing to the blonde. "She's a proper noun."

"Yeeeeeaaaahhhh! Proper nouns rule!"

"This is Nicole," Mr. Jake continued. "Common noun! Yeah!"

"All right!" Nicole did a split. "Common nouns rock, yyyyeeeeaaaahhhh! Whoaaaahoooooooo!"

"Nina is an abstract noun, meaning she names feelings, ideas, qualities, and things that can't be touched or seen!"

Nina jumped around. "Go abstract nouns!"

"And last we have Nancy," Mr. Jake said. "She's a concrete noun, meaning things you can see and touch!"

Nancy did her head in this weird way. "Ouch…GO CONCRETE NOUNS! YOU CAN DO IT! NOUNS, NOUNS, NOUNS YAY!"

"Music, guys!" Naomi cried.

Music began to play.

"Waaaahhhooooo!" the girls cried. "Uh-huh. Nouns. Nouns make the world round, world go round, world go round, _nouns_, when you say them, make a beautiful sound, beautiful sound, beautiful sound. If not for nouns, we wouldn't be here todaaaay! Nouns are here to stay! Yeah!"

The music stopped and the girls all went back into the closet.

"All right," Mr. Jake said, giddy and pumped from the Noun Girls (???) performance. "That was so cool, don't you agree class? Now, someone give me an example of a concrete noun…"

Paper suddenly hit Mr. Jake in the head. Paper airplanes, paper balls, paper dolls…the paper works.

"Paper cut!" Mr. Jake cried, grabbing his finger. "Paper cut!"

"Oh, poor baby," Cassie said. "He got a widdle paper cut."

"Widdle paper cut my butt! This thing sawed off my finger! There's blood gushing…"

He fell to the floor.

"EEEEEEE! He's dead!" A Taxxon cried. "Party at my house!"

"_Noun_ party…" Mr. Jake gasped. "Nouns…"

He got up and ran out of the classroom, never to be seen again.

"Do you think he's coming back?" Marco asked Ax and Cassie.

They suddenly heard the screeching of tires and the sounds of a car pulling away.

Nope, everyone said.

Cassie lowered her head. She sniffed. "He was just trying to…teach us about nouns. And you had to run him out, just like…like…run him out! Like he was an animal or something."

"He was!" some cried from the back of the room.

"You're so cruel!" Cassie exploded suddenly. She began sob. "Why? Why?"

"Cassie, Jake can't even drive. How could he possibly get anywhere?"

BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOOM!

"Mr. Jake! Oh why! Why! Why!"

"Hey, guys," he said calmly. "I had an accident. My car skidded off the road."

Wait a second, Ax said. You don't have a car!

Mr. Jake looked alarmed. He sighed. "There's only one thing to do."

Everyone leaned over and stared at him.

"NOUN PARTY AT MY HOUSE!"

Everyone cheered and partied down to Jake's house, to the noun party.


End file.
